After reading Loren Kleinman's article: Virginia Woolf and the Language of Trauma, I explored the possibility of opening the door to my monsters.
Kleinman writes "Once I went on this journey with Woolf I could not return. I was her companion; bringing forth the notion that no one should have to go through such pain alone. She spoke. I listened." Adds, "Woolf's recording; I explored my own trauma memory. It is often hard for me to separate myself from the research, and even harder to write about personal trauma." After disclosing her rape incident, she continues, "Like many survivors of sexual violence, including rape, molestation, and assault, the silence was a way of life. How could I get someone to listen? And if I did, who would believe me if I spoke? Would my rape be real?"
I relate so is it possible for me to do as Kleinman and to even ride the current wave of public disclosure? Do I envy the freedom of those voicing traumas who come out and explore dark times with unknown eyes and voices? Not that my story is worse, just don't feel grounded, I come from a time when whatever happens we brought upon ourselves and if girls/women are in the wrong place or dress provocatively and get raped, it's their fault, etc. Who is to blame? My first monster happened when I was a child, and because the perpetrator was an upstanding professional, it was said I made it up. That set my life pattern so how can I wash my memories in words?
I have written about my darkness and shared in private; someday I might put it out there for anyone to read.
When Virginia Wolf committed suicide as recorded on Virginia Woolf's Suicide letter to Leonard Woolf, YouTube Depression and mental illness were not treated as are today, still, as per statistics, "suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US' and can be higher. "Stigma surrounding suicide leads to underreporting, and data collection methods critical to suicide prevention need to be improved." Learn how you can become an advocate. Looked at the current statistics and found that rape and sexual aggression in the USA are on the rise. Most victims are 12-34, and this happens every 98 seconds! About the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline